| L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|12:52 pm] |
Every Christmas since 1983, right next to the massive Scientology center on Hollywood Boulevard, confused tourists and weirdo celebrities alike have enjoyed the snow-covered spectacle of L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland. Last night Amanda and I joined them.
The whole thing really wasn't what I was expecting. I thought the festive trappings would be, well, a trap. I figured once we broke through the tinsel-thin sheen of holiday cheer we would be bombarded with "stress tests" and "E-meters" and "loving Katie Holmes." What we discovered, however, was that L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland is actually just one bounce house short of being a Mexican kid's birthday party.
There was a piñata, a churro cart, a clown making balloon animals, a terrible caricature artist, and a seemingly endless stream of children doing the worst karaoke imaginable. You may think that I am being unnecessarily harsh, but after Amanda and I took the stage and belted out "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year," we were asked to do an encore. This has never happened. Ever.
Anyway, here's a little 360 video tour of the Winter Wonderland that I shot and annotated with those annoying pop-up things.
Although the whole thing is as benign as a mall Santa display, many people get all up in arms because it is a Scientology-sponsored event that blatantly rides the coattails of Christian tradition. As I stood there—listening to a kid singing "O Holy Night" next to a 60-foot Christmas tree wearing an L. Ron Hubbard quote and a Santa handing out copies of The Way to Happiness—I couldn't help but agree. I mean, what kind of lame religion has to lure followers by hijacking existing holiday traditions? |
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| Geek Monthly - December 2009? |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|11:50 pm] |
I'm going to guess that none of you subscribers have received the December issue of Geek Monthly. Neither have I. Heck, I never even saw November in print, or October, so some of you are luckier than I am.
As you may have guessed from my increasingly desperate and hostile tone in these monthly magazine updates, things are not well at Geek HQ. Unfortunately (though I am a senior editor), I work from my home office, so I am just as out of the loop as you subscribers are. But I do want to share what little information I have gleaned, as Fusion Publishing seems to have closed the doors on their bunker in hopes that we'll all just go away, subscribers and contributors alike.
I've been hearing a lot of subscribers complain that the folks at Fusion are not sending you your magazines or returning your calls. On that issue, we're in the same boat, and I feel your pain. But, whereas they owe you a few magazines, they owe me a few magazines and almost an entire year's worth of paychecks. Sadly, at this point I think the only way any of us are getting what we're owed is through a lawsuit.
I don't know if the December issue ever went to press. If it did, it is almost certainly the last issue of Geek. There have been some vague suggestions that the magazine is "on hiatus" until Fusion can "get it back on track," but I personally hold little hope for a resurrection.
This whole thing deeply saddens me. I've been with Geek since issue one. Heck, I've been with Geek longer than Fusion has. I think we all understand that this has been a harsh year economically, and not every business will pull through. I do, however, think that Fusion has an obligation to at least make an announcement to its subscribers and staff, even if that announcement is, "Sorry, we're closed. No refunds." Or in my case, "Thanks for all the free work, chump."
If you've got something to say on this matter, feel free to say it in the comments. I don't know that it'll help anything, but at least we can all feel like we're in this together. |
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| The Hilarious House of Frightenstein |
[Dec. 10th, 2009|10:21 pm] |
Once I pulled the memory of "Boobie Chew" out of my head, it uncovered a second memory from the same time period. The way I remember it, "Boobie Chew" was a commercial that aired during a show that had a puppet named "Harvey Wallbanger" who gave a vampire his mail. And also Vincent Price.
I realize that when this is all put together, it sounds like something that a stoned guy told me at a party while I was drunk enough for my brain to file it as "childhood memory" instead of "batshit crazy stuff some dude said."
But, sure enough, Google is the best therapist. A search for "Harvey Wallbanger puppet" brought me to a fan site for The Hilarious House of Frightenstein: A Canadian kids show from the '70s.
Although I remember Harvey Wallbanger and his dead letter office with startling clarity, the rest of the show has faded out of my mind over time. Fortunately for us Netflix subscribers, an hour and thirty-two minutes of Frightenstein is available on DVD and Instant Play.
I just watched the first few minutes, and, even though it is nearly 40 years old, it still holds up. You know, in that "cornball horror host doing a Transylvanian accent and making monster puns" kind of way. It's kind of like Laugh In meets The Munsters, but with better pacing. Apparently it's even educational.
Granted, I've only just rewatched the first few minutes, but it's definitely worth checking out if you've got kids who are into Halloween and nonsense. Or you're high.
(On an unrelated note, ten minutes after I posted this, I remembered that I wanted to search Google for "'Boobie Chew' Frightenstein" to see if they were ever aired as part of the same program. The first hit? This blog entry. Google is spooky.) |
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